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Our close companions with a woman, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances drifted away then, because they seemed only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several close to her vanished without her being sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I attempt to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is arranging a vacation abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. I attempted to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She really only wanted validation of her decisions. I have come back from a month in that country she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing how this makes you feel. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the interaction between you."

Remember she too has her own side, so you need to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be impactful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend might reject everything, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react like this then consider on your words. And even if you never reach a fix, you'll have closure from having been open and direct.